across the universe

I'm sleepless. I've turned my sleeping habits around and now I'm restless and nervous and sleepless. I'm back in the countryside. I haven't been home this much in four years and I can't remember last time it felt this good. me and mum went for a walk in the evening sun in the forest. I'm in a good balance of spending fun time in the city and relaxing at my parent's house. weeks are a weird phenomena. they are passing by so quickly and surreal things happen and normal things happen, both in the same week. it never turns out the way it's planned, but for some reason it's good anyway. I miss EF.

across the universe soundtrack - I want to hold your hand
leona lewis - better in time
jack johnson - angel
soap stars - never there

welcome to the good life

ah, it's a good life! it's pre-summer-chillin' all night long. yesterday I worked, for the first time in four months. I love my oldies and I had more time off than actual work-time. then we drank tea at oscar's. gathered wonderful people and played with mini umbrellas. relocated to anna's (and from now on!!) my place. played cards and hurt each others hands, drank even more tea and ate cookies, talked about nothing, cooked macaronies in the middle of the night and played kubb 4.30 in the morning. today's a slow day, I picked up caroline after work and we went through our update list in the car, over dinner and in her bed. tonight we watched 28 days later in anton's kickass-sofa and ate candy. now it's time for guitar hero.


thought I couldn't live without you
it's going to hurt when it heals too
even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too

it don't have to change

ah, my gang. we gather more and more and it's the best reassurance in the world to feel that some things doesn't have to change. tomorrow tea at oscar's and tuesday I have the whole day with caroline. sweet!

yesterday the weather was crazy good. I tanned all day and dozed off in the sun. went for a killing run and then I took the bus to the city. we practized kubb at danni's and then we bicycled to anton. we grilled (I was the grillmaster) marshmallows, sausages and pepper. played guitar hero and lit a soccer field with stickers and a stick and played kubb. fooled around and jumped and laughed. I hurt my shoulder when I fell over danni and then I fell backwards when I bumped into leffe. we attacked each other and took pictures and aah, swedish summernights! I love it.

today I've done nothing but sleeping, walking and talking. and everything's so good, here and there. it's all about making the best out of every sitatuion, and I'm getting better at it.
http://www.isala.bilddagboken.se/ 21 april -->

my list

things I've learnt or realized so far:

* that you can make anything happen
* that life is a crisis and a detour
* that you can eat chicken every day for four months and not get tired of it
* to believe
* that you can learn something from everyone
* that anxiety doesn't go away, it's something you have to learn how to handle
* that family exist everywhere
* that communication is the shit
* that you can make and achieve everything you thought was impossible
* to drink beer
* to appreciate peoples kindness
* that friendship is the most beautiful thing in the world, and that real friendship survives everything and anything
* that there is something called the american dream
* that prozac and alcohol is a bad combination
* that I kick ass
* that life is the best you've got
* that everything is gonna be alright

detours

today's a good day, even though I only slept three hours last night and have been falling alseep all day as soon as I've been sitting down. I've fixed work, an apartment and rehab. all afternoon and evening I've spent with linda and sara. we sat in the park, I ate swedish candy and caviar (!!) strolled around downtown, took crazy pictures, laughed, played kubb in the sunset, made a daim pie, looked at pictures and had a huge update (about sex, PIP (personal inner problems) and everything else you miss when you only see each other every four months)

then linda and me took the car home in the darkness with loud music as company. found a dad who needed furniture advice and 5 crazy teenage boys. ate meatballs and were silly in the bathroom. and I'm so freakin excited about tomorrow! I have the best friends.

paramore -when it rains

may

today's my mums birthday. after a morning of analysis, yogurt and chill I took the bus to the countryside. I've been practizing lying on the couch, just talkin' to my mum and my sister. everything feels so unnaturally natural and naturally unnatural. I think in english but I say it in swedish, and I dream and talk in my sleep. it feels like I've been gone forever, yet that I left yesterday. I'm like a kid on christmas eve, amazed and fascinated by everything, but mostly the food. its so good! chicken salad + cake= yummy! my parents are so incredible great and they're taking care of me. my mum gave me a massage and dad made phone calls. it's shocking and weird to be taken care of. tomorrow I'm starting with the whole progress of fixing my life. it's gonna go and be great.

justin timberlake - signs

all the small things

I'm home, wherever that is. after an endless flight and delays, I finally arrived on the best day to ever arrive back home. walpurigs night and amazing weather. my lovely lovely friends were waiting for me and gave me flowers and me and caroline had a very dramatic moment at the airport. she delayed her flight and I ran across it and we hugged like crazy. the first thing I got to do was to drive and we went to the supermarket to buy meatballs! then we hung out at danni's place, we ate swedish dinner and it was spring outside. we bicycled (!!) to campus to watch the fire and hear the perishers play. nothing is more umeå than that. then we met up anton and went to his new apartement. nice preparty, a jammed dancefloor at corona, and a bitter, funny afterparty with meatballs and dawn.

aaah, it was so much better to come home than I'd ever expected. the light, the streets, my people. damn, I've missed it.

my last days in boston were rainy, surreal and great. I don't know if I've ever succeeed in living in the now as I did then. I got to do everything that represents boston to me, and see everyone that means something to me. starbucks with christian, a crazy goodbye dinner with my sappy speech and peter hitting on my mum, a very good dinner, in many ways, with ralph, across the universe and real larissa/lisa time, quiznas with g, a visit to astrid, eliot and chris (astrid sung improvised love songs) one last party in the basement and then a sweet goodbye at the airport.

god, I love it.